A Very Bad Day

Apr 11, 2010

Disturbing Mass Suicide Worries Local Authorities

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A spokesperson for the LADP revealed details of an apparent mass suicide that occurred in the early hours of the morning today in a small warehouse along the docks in LA Harbor.

“We have no information at this time about the identities of the deceased,” a grim-looking Detective Rob Richardson said during a press conference, “all we know is the scene is horrific and we don’t know why all of these people decided to end their lives.”

Sources tell Reuters that the scene is indeed grisly; the participants apparently inflicted severe injuries on themselves in the process of ending their lives.

According to Detective Richardson, there are at least three hundred bodies in the warehouse.

More Bodies Found in Los Angeles Area Warehouses

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - At least three other sites in the area of Los Angeles Harbor have been found with hundreds of apparent suicide victims. This brings the total to six sites found so far, and upwards of over two thousand bodies.

“The LAPD, along with the Long Beach PD have begun a door-to-door search of all facilities in the entire harbor area,” said Detective Rob Richardson, who appeared visibly shaken by the day’s events, “Just pray for their families. Pray for us all.”


Gov. Schwarzenegger Orders National Guard to Assist Los Angeles Authorities

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger today ordered the California National Guard (CNG) to assist the authorities in Los Angeles to help quell the violence and rioting that has erupted following events this morning. The Governor has ordered the CNG to mobilize a total of thirty helicopters and two thousand Guardmembers as ground support.

“I urge the good people of Los Angeles to try to maintain a sense of dignity and calm in this difficult time. Our prayers are with any family that has lost someone in the tragedies uncovered this morning.” said Governor Schwarzenegger.

Posted on alt.conspiracy.black.helicopters

Vincent Thomas Bridge in LA Harbor taken out by AMERICAN FORCES

“Don’t believe what the news reports are telling you, I SAW* a fleet of F-22 Raptor aircraft FIRE on the bridge and take it out. The GOVERNMENT is behind the events in Los Angeles, you better believe it. I’m high tailing it out of this hell hole, along with everyone else.”

“Monster” Video Declared Fake

Filmmaker Don Coscarelli calls latest internet video “amateurish”

Variety.com, by Tiffany Jenkins

Don Coscarelli, best known for the cult-classic “Bubba Ho-Tep”, and director of many low-budget horror films, has declared that the video making the rounds on the internet is clearly a fake.

“The proportions of the monster are all wrong — even the guys that did Cloverfield knew you couldn’t make a monster that big, it just would look real” said Coscarelli, speaking from the set of his new film, “Bubba Nosferatu”, currently being filmed in Czech Republic. “Look, I know all about cheap special effects, they’re my bread and butter. And this video is terribly done and clearly fake”.

The video in question was posted early this afternoon on Youtube. The poster remains anonymous.

“I’m sure they’ll show up tomorrow trying to pitch this idea to the studios, you know, ‘I got a million hits on youtube or some shit, make my movie’ — this is just another dumb film student trying to create a bogus internet sensation.” Coscarelli said authoritatively.

U.S. Department of Defense Office of the Assistant Secretary of Defense (Public Affairs) Immediate Release, No. 286-10

Statement by Secretary Gates on the detonation of Nuclear Weapons in the City of Los Angeles:

The president will be addressing the nation within the hour, but I wanted to confirm three details. Yes, nuclear weapons have been detonated on US Soil. No, the detonation was not part of a test gone bad. And no, this was not a terrorist attack. These weapons were detonated in accordance with Executive Order No. 12553, the details of which are currently classified. The president will reveal all of the details in his address.

President Obama’s Speech Abruptly Interrupted

WASHINGTON, DC (BBC World Service) - In a stunning turn, President Obama abruptly cut his speech short and turned and left the White House briefing room after only a few words.

The broadcast signal from the press room was cut as well. We here at the BBC have been trying to re-establish our satellite link with our Washington office and have been unsuccessful.

President Obama was set to explain the unexplainable, the detonation of a series of Nuclear weapons all along the west coast of the United States. Early reports indicate that at least forty-three weapons have been detonated, with casualties in the tens of millions.

Secretary of Defense Robert Gates was quoted earlier in the day saying that these explosions were not the result of terrorist actions, nor were they acts of war by a foreign power.

We will update our listeners as events unfold.

McMurdo Station, Ross Island, Antarctica

“…message repeats…My name is Antoine Barnes, a US Marshall at McMurdo Station. I am the only person alive here, the rest have gone…insane…and have taken their own lives. We have lost all communications with the outside world. If you are receiving this signal, please reply on short wave 9204 kHZ…message repeats…”