At Least My Feet Don't Hurt

Nov 26, 2008

When the zombie apocalypse came, at least Paula was wearing comfortable shoes. That’s what they teach you in school, but no one ever really listens. And if you knew Paula, you would have known that wearing comfortable shoes wasn’t high on her list of priorities — she would normally be seen hitting the clubs wearing 3-inch black stiletto heels. But on that stormy day in September, there she was, wearing a sensible pair of Stegmann wool clogs. Not exactly the best shoe for running from zombies, mind you, but at least it was supremely comfortable. That was the last thought to go through her head...”At least my feet don’t hurt” a zombie devoured her brain.

In the months and years following that rain-filled day, the Stegmanns passed from survivor to survivor, and achieved an almost mythic reputation. Survivors seen wearing the shoes would be told “ah, you’re very lucky to have such comfortable shoes”. Finally, as the years passed and the survivors dwindled, the last person alive on the earth–a pretty young girl named Melody–had inherited the ragged but still comfortable shoes. She was doing a poor job of escaping from a rather large group of zombies, and ultimately, she was caught and quickly devoured.

If only Paula had decided to wear a nice comfortable pair of running shoes, things might have turned out differently for the human race.